Our Dirty Little Secret
by Princess-Of-Stuff
Summary: Sirius is hiding something, and Remus wants to know what. But when he does find out... Is he ready for the consequences? And is he ready to accept that sometimes, it's okay to believe that you're not a monster?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****Hi guys! I know you probably hate me… I hate me too :3 But yes, I'm starting another story, and yes, I'll probably never finish – but I do (surprisingly) have a life! I have loads of tests coming up when the summer ends, and because I've been put into the top set for every subject, and I'm in Triple Science, I have extra pressure added on as well! I'm hoping to do well in all of them so I have to study hard… And I need a social life… And I also write on a site called 'Wattpad' so if you wanna read my stories on there then inbox me for my name **** But yeah, this was just a little idea that came to me while I was reading a Quirrellmort fanfic :D ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Remus or Sirius in any way or form. Bcos if I did, they'd be married by like, book 5 or something.**

"Sirius, stop it." Remus sighed through his nostrils, his eyes narrowing at the dusty old book he was _attempting _to read. As he did so, dust blew into his nose; he tried to ignore the feeling building up but he couldn't, so he ended up sneezing loudly and inducing a stern telling-off from the librarian.

After she'd gone, Sirius commented lightly, "You're cute when you sneeze." He grinned charmingly and Remus's heart kind of just _pinged_, like when you see your favourite singer or crush.

But that didn't make sense, because Sirius was _definitely _not a singer, and there was no way in hell that Remus could have a crush on him.

Right?

That's what Remus always told himself, anyway. Because it was totally weird for a guy to like another guy, right? Because people (especially those Slytherins'!) would laugh at him mockingly because he was _gay_.

But then again, that didn't make sense either, because what else could explain that… _feeling_, that he got whenever he saw Sirius? How whenever he did something sweet or kind, Remus would have to leave the room before he burst?

Like when he-

"Hey, Remus?" The afore-mentioned boy grunted in response. "You're spacing out again. You do that a lot." Sirius chuckled, poking the other boy's nose teasingly before ruffling his feathery hair.

Like when he does that.

_Why is it,_ Remus thought moodily to himself, _that when he does something like that, everyone but me sees that as normal?_

He also thought to himself how it was odd that no one noticed his reactions to anything remotely 'flirty' that Sirius did to him.

But he had to shrug those idiotic thoughts away because Sirius was, _yet again_, poking him childishly and asking, "Can we leave now?" It wasn't as if they'd been here long! They'd only been here… _Crikey, four hours!_

"Why didn't you tell me we'd been here this long?" Remus frowned in concern. _That was strange; he'd usually be bugging me about ten minutes after we'd arrived._

Sirius blushed (_blushed!)_ and said, "Well, um… You just looked so cute concentrating, I couldn't pull you away!" He chuckled like it was a joke, but something in Remus's mind ticked and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he was telling the truth.

But then maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, after all, because that couldn't possibly be true, seeing as-

Remus shook his head exasperatedly; not this again. He will _not _start this stupid internal debate again.

But it _was _true – it could never, ever, in a billion years, happen. Just because.

But then, by the time Remus had finished his mind-battle, Sirius had packed up both his and Remus's belongings. "You ready to go, mate?" He questioned, bending over to see Remus better.

At the close and obviously discomforting presence of Sirius's face near his own, Remus silently squeaked and hid his face into the book he was still holding, to hide the faint rose that blushed his cheeks.

"S-sure." He stuttered moronically. "J-just give me a s-second."

With his hand shaking unsteadily, he quickly walked over to the nearest bookshelf and shoved the novel in an empty space between two large books that no one but him could probably even comprehend.

He looked over at the table and chairs to make sure that he hadn't left anything, and then nodded at Sirius who had been watching him amusedly throughout the whole thing; he had always found Remus's mindfulness hilarious.

"I'm certain we haven't left anything, Remus. Now let's go before the old hag drags us out." He nodded over to the librarian who, although usually mild-mannered, was in fact glaring daggers at them through her black spectacles.

"Hag? That's harsh, Sirius." He says as they pass her; her eyes switching dangerously from boy to boy. Why did she suspect them? Remus was usually always here – it was his peaceful, private sanctuary - so she should know better! But then again, he _was_ here with Sirius, so he didn't think that he could honestly blame her.

Sirius laughed obnoxiously loud. "What? She's old enough to date Dumbledore, mate!" They both burst into laughter, eliciting another evil glare from the now-furious woman.

Remus shudders. "Can you imagine that? Those two, in the janitors' closet, getting it on." He winks boldly at Sirius, and then shudders as he feels his tummy wrinkle with nerves as Sirius looks at him intensely with his dark eyes.

Then, the moment is gone, and Remus breathes a sigh of relief as Sirius smiles weakly.

"Yeah, that'd be disturbing at the least." He chuckles faintly.

Remus frowns; what was up with him? At least he wasn't flirting with him anymore, but then again, was this any better? He was acting strange and Remus was determined to find out what was up.

_But how? _Remus pondered as they wandered through the empty hallways in search of the Gryffindor common room. _It's not as if I can just talk it out of him…_

Then, suddenly, he had a genius idea – but did he have enough guts to do it?

_I really do want to know what's wrong, _Remus sighed in his head wryly, looking at Sirius. _It's worth a try, at the very least._

**A/N: ****Ooh! What is Remus scheming, huh? Find out in the next chapter! ;) Hope you liked – and don't forget to review, because your comments make me write more chapters, faster! Ciao for now :) xox**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ****Hi there guys! Thanks for the positive reviews… It really made my day:) Now, I hope you enjoy this next part – this is where you get to know the base of what Remus is going to do! I'm still figuring out some of it, but that's mostly for later on so don't worry :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in any way or form, because if I did I would have added myself into the book and become Sirius's wife. **

**ENJOY!**

As soon as they entered the common room, they were bombarded by greetings and jokes from practically everyone in there. While Remus _usually_ liked the attention, he was growing sick of it now; he just wanted to get this stupid plan over with! And besides, Sirius was usually there to help him through most of this banter with the other guys, and since he was so… peculiar, right now, he wasn't much help. A tight-lipped smile was all you were going to get off of him right now, and Remus couldn't help but think… That it was his fault?

But then, he wasn't sure how that was possible, because… _Because I don't affect him that much, _Remus thought to himself weakly. _It'd be nice to know that I have some input on how he feels, but… Oh, I just want to get this over with!_

He sighed impatiently as he stood there, waiting for all of them to disperse. However, they just didn't seem to be leaving, and so James (the good friend that he is) decided that he would just have to do something to save Remus.

"Hey Remus, we need to, uh… Get you ready for your date with, um, that girl you like!" Obviously lying wasn't one of James's strong point, but even so; people moved out of the way so that Remus could travel up the creaky stairs with the self-pronounced Lily-lover.

Remus was so flustered with all of the wolf-whistles he was getting, and the "Remus is gettin' some lovin'!" comments that he didn't notice how Sirius's neck whipped to the side in order to glare at his behind. He didn't acknowledge the way that a vein twitched in his neck, and the way he balled his fists together in anger as they left.

"Gee, thanks for that, James." Remus said sarcastically once they had left the noisy room and opted to go back to their room for some silence. "Now for the next week, people are going to be asking me all _sorts _of questions!"

James rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, so you'd rather go back down there and face them, huh? I saw how you looked; like a deer in headlights." He snorted. "So don't even try to deny it."

Remus had the grace to look embarrassed. "I'm sorry, mate. You're right; it's just that… Never mind." He smiled pleasantly, so that James wouldn't suspect anything.

"If you say so, mate." Bless him, James was always one to care for other peoples' feelings. This trait, in fact, was the reason he asked, "So, do you know what's up with Sirius? He looked pretty down, earlier. Did something happen in the library – I mean, you were practically ignoring each other." This trait was also the reason that Remus's head began to hurt.

"Look, James… I honestly don't know. One minute we were fine, the next-" He paused as the door creaked a bit. "Hello?" He spoke out cautiously as it swung slowly open.

A shower of dark curls peered round from the tiny opening the door had made, and then the rest of Sirius's toned body appeared from outside the door. "It's just me." His voice was monotone as he spoke, and Remus winced even though he was _certain _it wasn't his fault.

"Oh, hi mate." James grinned cheerfully at him, his broad smile diminishing when Sirius threw him a scowl. "What's up with you? You've been acting strange." _You can always trust James to make things ten times more awkward_, Remus thought wryly. _He couldn't just leave it, could he?_

"Nothing." Sirius glared at James angrily. "Aren't you getting ready for your date, Remus?" He mentioned mockingly, eyes glittering with some unknown emotion when he noticed Remus staring at them both.

Immediately, Remus looked away; his cheeks flushed and he felt like a moron. "Actually, Sirius-"

"I'm going." He said, his face a blank canvas: emotionless. He passed them both, his curly hair shuffling slightly by the sudden movement. "Have fun, Remus." The way he said his name made Remus shiver slightly, but he opted to not reply.

"You're being a jerk, Sirius." James sighed. "Why not just tell us what's wrong?" The way he said it was affectionate; they were best mates and if one of them acted weird, then the others were going to persist until they spilled the beans.

Unfortunately, beans were not on Sirius's list right now, and he marched out of the door determinedly. "Nothing's wrong." He said quietly as he strode. "I just need to, uh… Meet Lily." He smirked when he realised that that riled James up.

"To do what?" James murmured, his voice threatening although he was quiet.

"Well, you know… If something happens, who am I to say no?" He waved. "Bye." He strode out of the room victoriously.

When he'd left, James stood up in fury. "The cheek of him… I can't believe that Lily would agree to this! It's-"

"Unbelievable." Remus nodded. "Because it's not true." At the other boy's confused look, he continued, "He was saying that to annoy you, James. He's annoyed or something, and so he took it out on you."

"Just me?" James raised a bushy eyebrow dubiously. "Mate, he definitely took a dig at you. I think he was… I think he was jealous."

Remus snorted, but inside he was thinking, _Is that true?_ He did seem pretty ticked off about Remus's date, but there had to be a reasonable explanation for it. Right?

"What would he be jealous about?" Remus asked nonchalantly, but he really _was _curious.

James looked moderately surprised. "Mate, you're like his… wife, or something, you know?" He explained.

Remus almost fell over in shock. "What?!" He yelled. He looked around the room, took a deep breath, and in a calmer voice said: "Why am I the wife, though?"

James chuckled in amusement. "No offence, but you _are _very, you know… feminine. In a totally masculine way." He added hurriedly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "And none of you thought to tell me this?" He dead-panned.

"It was just a thing between me and Sirius, really." He defended quickly. "It is true though. But maybe you should go see him, yeah? You're good for him, you know; he's quick-tempered but you're calm – opposites attract." He winked, and pushed Remus to the door swiftly.

"Opposites attract? Yeah, but me and Sirius aren't dating." Remus whined pitifully; he was trying to play it off like he didn't care, but he was breaking at the thought that Sirius didn't like him like _that_.

_Wait, what am I thinking?_ Remus thought, shocked that his mind was conjuring those thoughts. He tried to dispel them, but he couldn't stop, and when he had enough sense to see where he was going. He remembered James saying "yet" in this way that Remus felt meant he knew something that he wasn't going to reveal, and then he opened his eyes and he was in front of the… _Library? Like Sirius is going to be here._ Remus laughed; even in his imagination that was weird… Or it was meant to be.

Which is why he didn't anticipate Sirius sitting there despondently, peering over the pages of the book he was _meant _to be reading. When he saw Remus, his eyes widened in shock and he hid his face; _too late_, Remus grinned, _because I've already seen him. And I think it's time to put my plan into action._

"Hey, Sirius." He purred, smiling softly at the mentioned boy and moving towards him. "What are you doing here?"

Sirius looked up in wonder. "What are _you_ doing here? I thought you were on a date." He said the word 'date' jeeringly, as if it was something embarrassing.

"I decided that you were better." He smiled again, putting his hand on Sirius's shoulder gently. "I'm sorry if I upset you." He pouted sadly, making him seem really upset. It wasn't that hard, because he was actually rather sad at how Sirius had ignored him.

"R-Really?" Sirius stammered disbelievingly, eyeing the now-sitting Remus who was playing with his fingers complacently.

"Yeah. I am sorry, you know. Can you forgive me?" He pouted even wider this time, jutting his lower lip out in an attempt to seem like he wanted to be forgiven. Again, this wasn't that hard, seeing as he _did _want to be forgiven. Sirius was his best mate, after all.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his wild, unruly hair. "It's not your fault, Moony. I was just… Jealous, if that makes sense. I didn't want you going out on a date with some girl we didn't even know."

"How did you know that you didn't know her?" Remus wasn't sure if that sentence made sense (he was flustered by the 'jealous' explanation), but Sirius looked like he understood, so he didn't bother correcting himself.

"James said 'that girl you like' so even he didn't know her, obviously."

"Oh." Remus said; _that surprisingly made sense_. "And whoever he doesn't know, you don't know."

"Yeah." Sirius said, nodding. "But are we alright? I didn't mean to upset you or anything." He looked really stricken, as if arguing with himself, and said, "Anyway, what really happened to your date?"

"I told you: you're more important." Both the lads' cheeks flushed red.

"Did she stand you up?" Sirius asked seriously (ignore the unintentional pun), his face contorted with a hidden anger. "Because you're too good to be stood up, Remus. You're too good for anything but the best." His cheeks burned a bright tomato self-consciously, but Remus felt his heart skip a beat.

_What's happening to me? _Remus thought in a daze. _I must be ill; why else would I feel like this? _

"P-Padfoot." Remus whispered, his hand unconsciously movingly towards Sirius's. "I-"

"What are you two doing?" They both jumped about ten feet in the air when they saw the stone-faced librarian, peering at them curiously with her beady eyes. "You're meant to be here for studying only, boys. Now get out!" She cried, shooing them away with her hand carelessly.

"The cheek of them nowadays." She said furiously, remembering the past. "Back in my day, we lived in fear of the librarians'… Now, it's just like they can do whatever they like." She walked briskly back to her desk and started scribbling on her notepad again, completely oblivious to the annoyed faces being pulled at her.

Remus sustained his breath as Sirius held his gaze intensely. "Sirius, what-" He was cut off by Sirius, who brought one hand tenderly up to cup Remus's cheek.

"Remus, I… I don't know what to do." He murmured darkly, his eyes never leaving the other boys' face.

Remus felt helpless. "About what?" He gulped nervously.

"About this." He felt a warm pair of _something _connected to his mouth suddenly, and when he averted his eyes from the floor he had been looking at, he realised it was Sirius. And more importantly, Sirius's lips.

_What is he doing? _Remus contemplated, _I mean, not to say that I'm not immensely enjoying this, because well…_

He was. Sirius's lips were smooth and plump, and Remus got a delicious curl in his toes when Sirius pushed harder against him. Remus felt the need to run his hand through his _perfect _hair, and on a spontaneous instinct he did just that.

Sirius moaned, taking his lips away and breathing out, "Wow, Moony, you're-" This time, _he _was cut off by Remus pressing his lips against his own, and he smirked into the kiss. "I didn't know you were-" _Kiss. _"That enthusiastic." _Kiss. _"You really are-" _Kiss. _"Fantastic, aren't you?" Remus paused, slightly surprised.

"Fantastic?" He grinned brightly. "I don't know about that, Padfoot. You're pretty great yourself."

"Thanks, mate." He laughed, stroking Remus's cheek with his thumb gently.

"Is that why you were so strange earlier? Because I winked at you." Remus asked suddenly. "It makes sense, if you…" He trailed off. _Is he really interested, or is he just playing? But that kiss… That definitely meant something, right?_

"If I what? If I fancied you?" Sirius asked, his cheeks colouring slightly as Remus nodded. "Yeah."

"Really?" Remus asked, gobsmacked. "Who would fancy _this_, though?" He pointed to himself bemusedly.

"Why do you always do that?" Sirius growled like the dog he was. "You make yourself out to be this plain, ugly lad, when you're not."

"I'm labelled with scars; I'm a monster, Sirius." Remus shook his head. "I'm over it, but apparently you're not."

"You're… You're beautiful, Remus." Sirius whispered, his eyes deepening slightly. "You don't see it, but you are. You say you're a monster, but you're the kindest person I know. You're studious but you know how to have a good time, and…" He looked uncomfortable. "Was that too cheesy?"

"No, Sirius…" Remus was in awe of him right now. Throughout the whole, _extremely cheesy_ speech, Remus had been silent. Now, though… "I've… I've gotta go."

He couldn't help it. He felt… _I felt loved, and I liked it far too much for my own good. _Remus sighed as he ran away. _One day, he's going to realise how much of a beast I really am; and then he's going to leave me. _He felt a tear drip from his eye, but he roughly rubbed it away. _I don't care. I'm over it. Mother told me to be used to this, so I am. _But he couldn't help thinking… Was this really true?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: ****Hey guys! This is the third chapter of Our Dirty Little Secret… I really hope you like this - it's a normal time in England for once, but I always seem to write better at night, which is weird hehe :D I have worked pretty hard on this, like I normally always do, but I have a bit of a cold which has pissed me off so be warned if there's any, um, **_**arguments **_**in this :D Ohhh I'm so evil ^-^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter which makes me sad :(**

**ENJOY!**

_What the hell was that?_ thought Remus moodily as he recalled what had just happened. _I kissed Sirius, which was something I really enjoyed, and then I just run away? _He didn't mean to be cowardly; it's just, his mother always told him to not get into a relationship because when they found out his secret, they were bound to run. It was inevitable.

_But then, Sirius knows my secret._ Remus scowled, punching a nearby tree with his bare fist, wincing when he felt the full impact and heard his knuckles crack. _Dammit, I'm an idiot. _He rammed the tree with his fist again, forgetting to look at his bleeding knuckles and withdrawing from the pain. _An idiot. _

He didn't notice Hagrid walking towards him, a concerned look etched onto his face. "Remus, are you alright?" Remus jumped and thought that he was going to be attacked, until he saw the friendly, bushy face of Hagrid peering at him curiously.

"Oh, it's you… Yes, Hagrid, I'm quite alright." Remus faked a smile, but Hagrid wasn't the big oaf that everyone thought he was. He shook his head and indicated towards Remus's hands.

"You're obviously not, Remus, look at your hand for a start!" He exclaimed. Remus looked down and was surprised to see his knuckles painted in blood and already-formed bruises. Gingerly, he felt them with his other hand and winced in pain.

"It's nothing." He lied through clenched teeth. _I don't want to have to tell Hagrid what happened between me and Sirius, but I do hate lying. _He decided that lying was his only option, though, and said, "I just fell."

Hagrid raised an eyebrow that closely resembled a hairy caterpillar. "You fell over and hurt only your hand?" He coughed, hiding his chuckle. "That's a great alibi."

"It's true." Remus retorted. "What are you doing here anyway, Hagrid?" He suddenly realised that it wasn't odd for the Groundskeeper to be wandering the forest, and Hagrid reiterated that thought.

"I was just making my daily rounds. Lucky I did, aye?" He winked, nudging Remus's shoulder in a friendly manner.

"Right… Well, I should be off." A half-hearted smile was all Hagrid got as the younger boy tried to make his way back to the common room (or at least somewhere he could find a bit of peace and quiet) but he was yet again interrupted by Hagrid.

"You really should let me bandage your hand." Hagrid frowned in worry. "It does look rather sore."

"Hagrid, I'm _fine_." It wasn't what he said, it was more the way he said it, in an awfully snippy tone that made Hagrid look at him closely again.

"Are you sure?" Hagrid asked with an anxious expression on his wrinkled face.

"Yes…" Remus sighed in agitation. "I'm sorry, Hagrid, I'm just tired. I've got to go, now." He gave another unenthusiastic smile in Hagrid's direction and started to make his way back through the haphazard forest without any indication of stopping again.

"Aye, alright then." Hagrid nodded, sighing as he eyed up the boy's hand. It was swollen, with yellow and purple bruises lingering on the pale, frail skin, and blood dripped down in small trickles. He frowned and started to walk back slowly to his old shack, too.

_Why on earth can't people seem to leave me alone today? _Remus frowned as he made out the shape James sitting on his bed in their dormitory.

"Remus?" He perked up once Remus had entered the room cautiously.

"Yeah?" He answered, sitting comfortably on his own bed and preparing to get out a book to read. But James looked like he was going to talk for a long time, and Remus almost groaned in frustration. _I just want to read a book without someone yapping in my ear. _

"Well, I couldn't help notice that when Sirius came back to the dorms a few hours ago, he looked kind of upset." _A few hours ago? My time-keeping isn't as good as I thought it was_, thought Remus, _seeing as I thought I'd only been there for half an hour at the most. _

"Your point is?" Remus asked dryly, an eyebrow up in question.

James sighed. "I just wondered if something happened while you were talking. I mean, he just looked… what's that word? Desolate?"

"Despondent?"

"That's it! Yeah, he looked despondent, kind of like something horrible had just happened, you know? So, what happened?"

What had happened, indeed. Even Remus didn't know. _Everything was going so well until the kiss… Or maybe I ruined it when I ran away? _"Nothing life-threatening, James."

"Are you sure?" James asked doubtfully. "He looked worse than before. His eyes were red, kind of like… Kind of like yours are, mate." Luckily, James wasn't exactly clued on to peoples' emotions, so Remus escaped that, but he was still feeling a little… guilty. He had lied to _two _people today, and it wasn't even dinner yet.

"James, I'm sure it's fine. Maybe he's getting a bit of withdrawal symptoms from having no lessons." Remus gave a forced bout of laughter. "It _is _a Saturday, after all, and you two normally do something."

"Yeah, but he was stuck at the library with you, mate. He cancelled on our plans and decided to do that instead." James explained.

_Why would he do that? That's unlike him… Unless what he said was true, and he did fancy me? _Remus frowned. "Thanks, James."

"For what?" James hit him gently in the arm, and then noticed Remus's hand. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but it still looked sore; more bruises had formed and there was some dried blood stuck on it. "Merlin, mate, what's that?" He pointed at it.

"Oh, this? It's… nothing." He lied, in his mind groaning. He honestly hated lying, but today he'd done it a lot!

"Doesn't look like nothing, Remus."

"Well, it is, okay?!" He yelled angrily. "Why won't people get off my case today?" He growled.

"Woah, mate, calm down!" James ordered Remus. "I'm just worried. It looks like something attacked it!"

_Nothing but a tree_, thought Remus ruefully. "Well, don't be. I told you, I'm fine." He snapped.

"You're my best mate, Remus. I can't help but be concerned when I see you're hurt." James tried to soothe him to no avail.

"Just leave me alone, James." _Merlin, what do I have to say? _"If you were my best mate, you'd leave me alone."

"…Okay." Remus looked at him in surprise; his face was cold and he got up to leave. As he opened the door, he turned to look at Remus again. "Sorry for caring." He slammed the door shut.

"I'm sorry too." Sighed Remus. "But I'll tell you that later." He found himself unable to sleep, and after a couple of minutes, he opened his trunk to find his diar- journal.

_What should I write? Do I write about today, or… I might as well. It's not like anyone will read it. _And so he began.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today, a lot happened. Sirius was acting strange – and not his usual flirty kind – and so I wanted to find out what was up. And so he kissed me. It wasn't as abrupt as that! I just thought that the only way to find out what was wrong, was to act… flirty. Ah, that word makes me cringe, especially if I'm the one acting like it._

_Anyway, he seemed to like it, so he told me what was up… And then he kissed me. I ran away, though, because you know what I've told you before: mother. She'll never let me be in a relationship (if that's even what he wanted, because we both know that he usually has one-night stands) and so it was the only thing I could do._

_But now I feel terrible, because according to James he looked awful. But am I vain enough to think that I was the reason? It probably wasn't me… He was probably just annoyed that he had been rejected._

_Oh, I'm tired now, luckily. Goodnight, Journal. I hope no one ever reads you!_

_From Remus._

So, just like Remus had told the journal, he fell asleep soon after he put it back safely into his trunk.

As his eyes closed, he was _sure _he heard someone come in. _Probably James or Peter_, he mused, and promptly fell asleep.

**A/N: ****I'M SORRY! I know we all LOVE James, but it's important to the story that they argue… And important to Lily so that she gets some James-loving. I hope you liked… And PM me with ideas, I take them all into consideration:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey there! I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while… As some of you know, I've been at my nans house for a few weeks, and I'd written all of my stories on there. I went back home a few days ago, and I completely forgot to send them over by email… My nan isn't good at computers.**

**So basically, I had to wait aaaages (well, I had to wait until after I got my hair dyed blonde) and then I went round her house to send them over. So ta-daaa! We're back in business! :D**

**I hope you enjoooooy! 3**

**ENJOY! (Repetition rules!) (Alliteration woo!)(Sorry…)**

As soon as Remus woke up, the first thing that entered his mind was: _What am I doing on the floor? _The second thing to enter his mind was: _And why is there a letter on my face?_

After having a brief panic attack that the letter could be from kidnappers that had taken his friends hostage and _oh Merlin I'm their only way of survival, _he realised that if he opened it, he'd know who it was from.

He cautiously took the cream envelope in his pale hand, and with the fear echoing in his mind that there could be a bomb inside, he tore off the sticky bit (the bit where someone's tongue had been… oh, ew) and took out a plain piece of parchment. He eyed it curiously – it didn't look dangerous at all.

"To Remus," He read out loud. The writing was swirly, he noticed with interest, and quite feminine. It didn't look like any writing he'd seen before. "Odd… I wonder who it's from." His eyes zoomed to the bottom of the paper, to bet met with nothing. No name, or signature… _So who is it from? _

"Oh well… I'll get to that later." Remus quickly realised that his backside was aching a bit from sitting on the floor (for some reason he was still sitting there?) and so he shifted himself so that he was more comfortable on his bed.

"To Remus," He repeated. "I don't know how to say this… Or write this, either, to be honest. You amaze me; you're so intelligent, and witty, and… I've had a crush on you for a while, now. Ever since fourth year, actually." Remus's eyes widened in surprise. It was quite obviously a girl, as the writing indicated. So who was it? "I get so flustered around you, but… I don't want to make things awkward. I know you don't like me back… But that's fine. As long as you're happy."

There, the writing ended. No name: nothing. _Which is quite frustrating, _Remus thought to himself, his mind being wracked with questions on who it could be.

"I don't have a clue." He sighed.

"Don't have a clue about what?" Suddenly, James's voice could be heard, and as Remus whipped around, he could see him casually leaning on the door he had slammed last night.

"U-umm…" Remus mumbled, mainly to hide the shock he felt when he saw that _James _was talking to _him _after a _fight_. It just didn't happen. Not for a few days at least, which is why they didn't have fights that often.

That, and mainly because Remus was a bookworm and he'd read about the consequences of having fights and arguing; he hated it.

"Look, mate…" James said uncomfortably. "I don't know what's been up with you two lately, but…" He sighed. "At least try and make things right, Moony."

"James, you don't understand what's going on."

James frowned in frustration. "I know, Remus. So why don't you tell me?" He noticed the unwilling look in the golden-haired boy's eyes, and smiled softly. "I just want to help."

At the word _help_, Remus felt like he was going to cry. He could remember a time where no one would be his friend – when he was a loner who sat by himself. Every time one of his friends was kind to him, he wondered why. He wasn't sure if it was all a big joke, or if they genuinely liked him, and that was what made him so emotional.

"I.." _Crap, _Remus thought, _I'm actually crying now. _Big, fat drops of tears rolled down his cheeks and he tried to hide them with his sleeve but James still saw them.

"Hey now, Remus. Don't cry." He soothed him, his eyebrows crinkled at the sudden outburst. "What's up?"

"Other than the sky?" Remus tried to joke, but failed miserably. "It's just…" _Should I tell him? I don't want him to feel disgusted by the kiss, but it_ is _James… _"Sirius kissed me." He said it bluntly, trying to hide the heated blush that arose on his cheeks. "And I ran away. And I think that really upset him." _It definitely did._

The black-haired boy took a moment to digest this. "What?" He asked in bewilderment. "He _kissed _you?"

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but then James cut him off by laughing hysterically. He clutched his tummy and tears fell from his eyes in mirth, while Remus looked at him like he had some contagious disease.

"James? What're you laughing at?"

James grinned widely, wiping his eyes clean of the tears, and explained: "I'm just surprised that he hadn't done it sooner."

"_What?!"_

James grinned again in amusement. "Mate, he's had an enormous crush on you for ages."

Remus couldn't believe his ears. _So I worried about all of that for nothing? _Remus snorted in despair. _Why didn't James tell me sooner? _

He decided to ask. "If he's liked me for so long, then why didn't you tell me?"

"He was too embarrassed; he made me swear to secrecy." James confided, still grinning cheekily.

Remus wanted to smile, but was afraid that this was all an illusion. After all, no matter what anyone said, he knew that he was ugly. _I know that I'm a waste of space: a monster._

James didn't notice his internal debate, and said jokingly, "So, are you gonna snog his brains out now?"

"James!" Remus snapped in mortification. "I think I've ruined any chances I had with him when I ran away, anyway."

"That bad?"

"He gave me this sweet speech on how wonderful I was, and then I legged it as fast as I could." Remus sighed sadly. "I think it's safe to say that I've completely ruined it."

James gave him a comforting nudge in the shoulder. "Don't give up, though. Maybe he'll forgive you. He seems to forgive anything you do, really."

"What have I ever done that required forgiving?" asked Remus.

"Well, he mostly just complains that you spend a lot of time in the library instead of with him." James burst out laughing. "He's too infatuated to be properly angry at you."

Just then, Remus remembered the letter. "But it seems that someone else in infatuated with me too."

James frowned in confusion. "What do you mean, mate?"

Remus went over to his bed and retrieved the letter quickly. "This." He showed James what the parchment read, and then sighed. "I don't understand what's happening, to be honest."

"You have two admirers, Remus. Come on, it's a good thing!" James tried grinning but found it harder than before; he knew how tough this was on Remus.

"Is it, though?"

"I don't know, mate." That confirmed his suspicions; he was totally screwed.

"I don't know who it is, either." Remus sighed. "I have no idea who it could be."

"Well, mate…" James trailed off. He didn't know what to say. _And neither do I, _thought Remus.

"I'm gonna go rest for a bit, mate. It's Sunday and that _is _the day of rest, after all." Remus chuckled weakly.

"Okay, Remus. Don't get too worried."

"Yeah…" _I'm the definition of worried right now._

After James had left, he collapsed onto his bed with a **thud**. "What am I going to do?"


End file.
